It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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