I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
