omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
