We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
