It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
