Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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