I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
