When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
