my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
