He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
