I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
