I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
