We're facebook friends in real life
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
