i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
