the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
