wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
