Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
