Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
