I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
