Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
