sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
