i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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