Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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