Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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