Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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