Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
