i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
