watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
