I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize