Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
