At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i permit you to call me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize