Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
