I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
