You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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