Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
