I wish I could punch you in the face.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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