I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just puked most of my soul out..
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