If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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