I want to stick my p in your. b.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
