have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
