She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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