Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
