I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
