you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize