All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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