Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I deserve this hangover.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
