its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
is it fun? or sober?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
