His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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