It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
