seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
