pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
