Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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