If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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