its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
