So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
