It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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