Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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