why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
