um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
