Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
