"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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