Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
