She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
