that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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