thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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