I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
