During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
