drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
