I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
