During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
