Just mADE A PArabola og urine
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
