The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
