So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
