Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
