You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
