is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
